While it's all still fresh in my head, heart and puku... I'm going to share my experience with buying my first home.
To be fair... It's a long story.
This house on Windsor Street was not the first home I tried to buy.
Growing up, I always dreamt of building my first home. I used to spend hours mapping out and drawing floor plans for houses. Nearly always there was an extensive library. A room for my toys. A music room. A big kitchen. A fireplace. Claw foot bathtub.
I was encouraged to dream. In fact, my dreams and the dreams of my whanau were often the only thing that got us out of bed. One day moving to a big farm. One day winning the lotto. One day.... One day everything would be better. One day our luck would change.
Fastforward -- passed people who encouraged me to get higher purchases, to go into debt to help them, passed people I spent time and energy and money on because I was trying to be enough for them. I'm a people pleaser see: previous korero about trauma and how this relates to financial issues ...
Regardless, I made some bad decisions. I trusted the wrong people. I had fun and I also had a lot of heartbreak. I also hurt people in the process too. I'm sorry.
Since my uni days... I've spent a long time trying to break free from my poverty mindset.
This poverty mindset was entrenched in literally everything I did.
I didn't trust banks - because I had never seen them work for my whanau. Well, the ATMs did on pay day. But that's it.
I never saw anyone have a positive interaction with getting a loan or support from the bank. I heard my family talk on the phone about extensions on bills and to creditors. But not the banks.
I did see my family getting help from places like DTR - my aunty used to shop there to get furniture for the kids and money for Christmas. She just paid it off! Sometimes the stuff would have to go back though. I never understood why as a kid.
Instant Finance was also an awesome option - I saw my Nan use it often. She always went in there hopeful and sometimes came out successful.
I grew up watching the Lotto balls roll in the big circle ball revolving machine and hoped big time every Saturday night at 8pm with my family. I even got to write down the numbers for them. Sometimes I was allowed to circle the numbers on the ticket. Sometimes I had to deliver the bad news that we hadn't won, this time. Sorry Grandad. Sorry Nan. Sorry mum.
Like I said - my mindset was full of hope, chance and luck.
I never grew up being told how to buy a house. Why you should save. How you might get yourself ahead.
What I saw was struggle street. Sure, by a lot of comparison it was not the worse struggle street to be on, but it was mine.
Some parts of me accepted that this was my lot - this was just part of being part of my whanau and this is what it was for us.
Other parts of me dreamed bigger.
I didn't want to settle and live in a Housing Corp home the rest of my life. The first 16 years or so of my life I'd resided in one. The government had given a weekly stipend to my mum to look after me.
What I saw was bills, empty smoke packets, healthy food for school (and only for school), trips to Nans when she'd gone food shopping that day, trips to Mc Donald's on pay day, trips to faraway places thanks to organisations like Instant Finance. Presents bought via old school laybuy and putting down a deposit and paying off as you go.
I heard about financial problems from a very young age. I don't recall any real solutions.
I saw my Grandmother working hard - she had several different businesses while we grew up. She was the innovator. Always trying to make things better for us. She continues to be the matriarch of our family. She is always hopeful that one day our luck will change.
I saw my Grandfather working hard and playing hard - when we'd have to wait for him to come home from the dairy company before we could open Christmas Presents or when he got sick with cancer and his focus turned back to his horses at the track, looking after them, washing them, doing work for other people in order to get some money to pay for the grain and stables. When he passed away, and before that, there was just so much financial stress.
Growing up and seeing all of this - I figured that's what it meant to be an adult. To get bills, pay bills, ask for extensions, work hard and play hard when you could.
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