As I explained in the previous post - growing up I had seen what future financial prospects I had available in front of me.
It's for that reason that I fought so hard with my education. My grandmother and my mum supported me with my learning.
They didn't exactly know how to get me there, but they fed me, listened to my grumbles and supported me the best way they could.
I knew that I had to get out of Morrinsville - a terribly sad little town (but lots of people seem to be flocking to it now!) and that I needed to find a better future for myself.
I wanted to become a teacher. So I did. I graduated with my BA with a double major in History and English. I nearly finished my Honours too. I graduated with a Post Grad Diploma in Secondary Teaching (English, History and Social Studies). I also studied up hard at Te Wananga o Aotearoa and completed Level2-6 Te Ara Reo Māori and nearly finished my Level7 Diploma in Te Reo Māori.
During those study years... I fell in love. Stupidly. 🤦♀️
I racked up $48k with my student loan. (It's all paid back now - in 2017?)
Countless hire purchases. (Also all paid back)
So many debts, discussions with people from credit control (what's their name?) and my flatmates too. Still sorry.
I was so deep in the debt I didn't know how to get out of it.
And it didn't stop when I became a teacher.
I remember a conversation not long after I reconnected with my dad -- he said that I should put 10% of my pay away each fortnight into savings. I really wished I'd listened to him. I also really wish he'd taught me financial stability while growing up...but that's a totally different story.
When I became a teacher and got my first pay - I was instantly excited and guilty all at the same time. I was earning $38k then as a beginning teacher. Less than my little brother who was a building apprentice. Less than a lot of the WINZ beneficiaries at the time.
And yet - this severe guilt racked me - because I was earning more money than most of my family members put together.
What did I do to assuage my guilt? Well... I paid back as many bills as I could each pay. Because that's what I was always taught to do. Pay back bills first and then see what was left over.
And then the rest of my money I spent on myself and sent money to my family when they asked. And... sometimes it was quite often. And sometimes not a lot.
Writing all this - I now also feel immense shame. I know my family will read this and feel guilty. There's no need to feel that way. I love you. You know that. This is just what happened. My perspective. You write your perspective too and we can share notes.
Regardless... Years and years and years of bad decisions, choosing Instant Finance and DTR over the banks, getting my first credit card to help me move to my first permanent job (due to a technicality with the MOE's moving grant) and hire purchases... Left a lot of financial mess to sort through.
When I eventually learnt that hire purchases have a heap of interest added in, or that you should try not to use cash advance on your credit card because the interest rate is higher or that you should pay MORE on interest related products rather than the bare minimum they say .... It was too late.
I had a bad credit score due to my uni days and falling for someone who hurt me more ways than I could ever explain - financially, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...
I had to work my butt off to try get things better. Whatever better looked like.
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