I was trying to live it up like everyone else.
I knew I was making a lot of money - I was giving some to my family as often as I could, but try as hard as I could, I just couldn't save.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
It was about then, sitting in that dark and dungy little whare that I learnt about the two biggest game changers of my life:
* Marie Kondo and the Konmari Spark Joy method
* Poverty vs Abundance Mindset
Learning about Poverty Mindset gave me the biggest key to financial freedom.
Because I had to realise the reality of my situation.
I had grown up learning things that embedded the idea that I could just put items on laybuy or hire purchase. That I could have everything I wanted... No matter the cost or financial ruin.
In fact - I never really had any of my own money. It just went on bills.
But I couldn't seem to break free of that simple thought that I'd grown up with:
Pay the bills before everything else, and see what is left over
That one belief system meant that I was constantly going into overdraft.
Oh... I never mentioned the overdraft did I.
Turns out banks really want to help students at uni by offering overdrafts. They never really explain why not to get one or that the money you use you'll eventually have to pay back. Because it's never your money. It just feels like it.
That was probably the first hurdle I had to get passed.
I can't quite remember how I did it. But I feel like it was a lot of putting money aside and then transferring it to the overdraft account and then calling the bank to decrease the overdraft limit.
Either way... It took a bloody long time. I'd gotten into the habit of always been empty in my accounts.
In fact... That empty feeling became normal. It even felt safe knowing I'd paid all the bills... Even if that meant hardly any money left over for food for myself - because I always fed my animals before me.
It felt safe knowing I had no money left. Because at least then that overriding guilt of having money wouldn't be eating away at me. And I would have satisfied all my debtors.
That safety net was really just my insecure attachment to money.
I loved when I had it. I was always so generous. Fed my students, bought donuts, bought clothes for myself and my family, paid for my family's petrol when I could.
Because at the crux of my guilt was this feeling or this knowing that I owed my family. I owed them for supporting me. For feeding me throughout uni. For visiting me. For helping me pay bills. For giving me money when I needed it or wanted it at uni.
And the insecure attachment was eating me up.
I did not know how to save.
I did know how to pay bills! Yay!
I did not understand interest rates.
But I was quick to read through the applications at DTR and Instant Finance for money for Christmas and trips!
Because that was what I had seen while growing up. That too was normal.
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